Atomic Eden (Rifftrax, color, 2015) 13mins in and it’s just Fred Williamson assembling a ragtag team of people who….used to already be a ragtag team a long time ago, maybe? Movie starts in Chernobyl and proceeds to claim to change location about 15 times, all around the world. This movie is very bad. I hate this Texas guy. There’s like 100s of these white hooded dudes with gas masks. This doesn’t seem like a real movie. It’s just shooting so far. Wait, so backstory about Hitler and the Nazis and a doomsday device. I get the feeling some of these people don’t speak English; they’re just saying words in English. I guess there’s nazi tunnels? Two members of the extremely generic ragtag team is dead. I think camouflage priest is dead too. Now it’s just Asian girl who can’t speak English, Radiohead guy who can’t speak English, Texas guy, cute blonde explosives girl and Fred. Never mind about blonde girl. She’s dead. Hey, good news! Texas is dead too! Now it’s Radiohead guy, Asian girl and Fred Williamson. No plot, just running around, fighting, shooting and blowing things up. Dumbfuck cowboy still hanging on. Thom York is getting beaten up. Asian girl and Fred are in Hitler's underground bunker. I guess. They found a briefcase full of red and blue lights. Thom York blew up. Wait, no, he’s fine. He brings Lorenzo Lamas Hitler's empty luggage, which makes him angry. One last split second of redemption: Asian girl is in a red bikini for less than a second as movie ends, teasing a sequel. It was fun, but I’d probably say second tier. For a newer movie, pretty funny though.
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