Kingdom of the Spiders. Rifftrax, color, 1977. William Shatner as a cowboy. A 1970s cowboy. Fighting spiders. Opening song seems to be an Elvis impersonator “Spider Porn” song. Shatner is a cowboy or doctor or something. Typical Jaws setup. Spiders kill a cow, Shatner wants to quarantine everything but the county fair is coming up. Man I hate the 70s. So many movies from the 70s look like TV movies. This is no exception. It’s widescreen and all, but just looks and feels like a TV movie. Could be Shatner. There’s a bunch of real live big spiders in this. Ok, Shat wants to have sex with his dead brothers wife, I guess. But he’s also harassing a scientist lady. I hate the 70s. I hate the whole “women just want to be shown who’s boss, then they’ll be yours” shit. This scientist lady is like a very poor man’s Cybill Shepard. Like a homeless, totally destitute man’s Cybill Shepard. But as portrayed by a middle class man’s Shelly Hack, while channeling a bit of Shelly Long. Or Mariette Hartley. Shat’s name is Rack. Rack. It’s because his dead brother beat him at pool and made him rack the balls. The love story is sickening. Pretty funny movie though. So stupid. Lol. Wtf? Fav scene so far is Burch (lady whose husband had the spider hill and dead cow and got killed by spiders while driving) being attacked by spiders, shooting them with a gun. Shoots off most of her own hand. Some funny stuff in this one. Lots of spiders killed in this. Sheriff Big Ugly. Mayhem! Spiders attacking! Whoa, wait!! Wtf!? Movie ends with everything as far as the eye can see covered in spider webs! Lol! I might be feeling generous, but this felt pretty top tier, at least up there with Day of the Animals w/Leslie Nielsen. I mean, everybody dies, lol. I think we’re meant to infer that spiders take over the earth and all of humanity dies. So I put it with some Mst3k TV movies. A def top Rifftrax, 1st or 2nd overall. But a good one!
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